[Joke] Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers – Take One Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business,when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway. Continue reading

My neighbor's property

My neighbor invited me on a tour of their property, yesterday. She took me on her tractor and we drove all around. What a marvelous place! The property is a long strip of land that goes from below mine all the way to the shared boundary line mauka. It looks strange on the map – like a snake that had one too many gerbils to eat. On the positive side, it has two gorgeous streams (one on each boundary line), and the proximity of the streams has made the banks flatter, making for easy stream access on most of the property. Continue reading

Invasion of the moths

Coming home last night, I closed the door of the Hilo bedroom and didn’t notice it didn’t latch. The next itty wind slammed it wide open again, while I was running down to turn on the generator. A few hours later, I am walking to the bathroom, and notice several moths. Strange, I think, I have never seen moths inside the house – where might they have come from? That’s when I notice the wide open door. Continue reading

[Joke] Washington Post neologism contest

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly (adj. Continue reading

[Joke] Retirement bonus

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Continue reading

[Joke] A bottle of merlot

A gentleman at an expensive restaurant observed a startlingly attractive woman at another table and asked a waiter to send his best bottle of champagne to her. The waiter brought the woman a botte and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply note to him. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. Continue reading

What is zoom.searchbot?

I just realized I had never published my zOOm searchbot! As you probably know, a searchbot (search plugin in Joomla) is a piece of software that, given a search term, returns a list of pieces of HTML that correspond to search results. Of course I wanted my zOOm search results to show up whenever someone searches on my site, so I just wrote a bot to accomplish that. To download, please click on Downloads to the left! Continue reading

[Joke] Teacher arrested at airport

NEW YORK –A public-school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. Continue reading

Ready for birthday

{moszoomimglink:Sparkling sunrise}Incredible morning sunrises have become the norm, while I am getting to complete yet another year of life. Somehow, I think I chose to be here on that special day, but I quite regret it now. For the first time ever, I’d rather be in San Francisco. Let the flight back be my best birthday present!

MP3 Players for the Gym Geek

{moszoomimglink:ifp790}So far, I have been using an iRiver iFP 790 at the gym, and it has worked pretty ok for me. Not spectacularly well, not spectacularly poorly. Its 256MB are definitely getting to be a little small; after a year or so, it’s definitely acting up: the headphone plug is noisy and doesn’t grip the jacks any more; the buttons on top (not the best placement anyway) are starting to become insensitive; and the luster on the shiny red exterior is wearing off. Continue reading